IT'S LIKE BIRTH CONTROL FOR $8.50!

OK, so let's be serious for a moment. "Knocked Up" is pretty much the most unrealistic movie of the summer. In my humble opinion, it's far more likely that you'd see a couple of ogres and a donkey chatting it up in a swamp than a rising entertainment journalist risk scrapping her career for a ten-pound red-faced screaming blob, drunkenly conceived with the sperm of a complete stranger.

Don't have health insurance? Don't feel like spending a few bucks on condoms? Then I strongly encourage you all to go see "Knocked Up" - the nation's newest and most effective form of birth control! Once you witness the vag shot (twice!!!!) during the birth scene, you'll swear off sex for days!

The Best Season Finales of 2007

Now that we've had sufficient time to digest all of the great Season Finales of this year, it's time to reflect on the really REALLY good ones.

5) ER
Stamos, Stamos, Stamos. You god-like practitioner of television medicine. You may have lost your girlfriend and your sort-of-but-not-really daughter, but you haven't lost your rugged good looks or your rock-star, badass charm.

4) Grey's Anatomy
OK, so the finale wasn't actually that great but this episode gets kudos for one solid reason: Sandra Oh's screaming fit, sans eyebrows. Hott.

3) Friday Night Lights
Despite my bias for this show, the season finale was killer. Tami is preggers! This should surely trick my friend Mark, who has a thing for hot moms, into watching next season! And raise your hand if you cried at the end when adorable little Matt Saracen started clapping for Coach Taylor!....!...?...just me???

2) LOST
Charlie died, but a series was resurrected. Way to take one for the team, Charlie! And CHELLO - a flash-forward? Genius! My friend Matt even made us a case of Dharma Initiative Beer - you can do it too if you have too much time on your hands like we do! Check it out at http://www.lostblog.net/lost/tv/show/create-your-own-dharma-initiative-rations




1) The Bachelor
Watching that chunk-o-hunk Andy dump that bitch Bevin was wholly satisfying. Seriously. Bevin was a whiny little beyotch and Tessa is a Golden Queen.

How do you 'Doo?

OK, so I haven't written a post in... forever. My apologies. But ladies, I know I'll be forgiven when you find out why I was M.I.A. for a few weeks...

I had a hair emergency. A serious one.

I've ALWAYS been good with a box of dye. ALWAYS. Which is why I cannot figure out how my L'Oreal "Golden Blonde" highlights turned into "Bright Yellow Polka Dots" a few Thursday nights ago. I was in shock for a good couple of weeks. Hence, neglecting the blog.

So I did what any Shell-Shocked Dye Addict would do and I decided to go for a blond all-over permanent color. That didn't help much.

George tried to make me feel better by licking my left eyebrow.

But in the face of dried-up, multicolored locks, I have muddled through mourning my sexy, dark vixen-like hair and decided to come back and blog for you again!

YAAAAAAAAY!

Bitchin' Belle

2 weekends ago I went to Disneyland with my friend Annie, and I was reminded of why Belle is easily the greatest Disney Princess ever. She should be a role model for little girls all over the globe, who dream of one day finding their very own Prince Charming.

She gave the ugly guy a chance!

Seriously. Belle said yes to a date with a pretty homely fella. And look at all the cool shit she got out of it - a castle, a bunch of maids and servants and flunkies, probably a pimped-out carriage too. AND the Beast got her that hott yellow dress! Michelle Williams was so jelly that she copied it on the red carpet!

Sex In The Other City

So, I have a boyfriend. His name is George. This is him:


Look closely enough and you'll notice that the teddy bear on his sweatshirt was done with a Bedazzler. I know, I know. He's basically a sex god.

We are each other's first relationship. It's kind of like the blind leading the blind. And it's been this way for 7 glorious months. I think that 7 months is the best point in a relationship. You're learning little details about the person, things you never knew. Weird stuff. But it's still early enough in the course of your courtship that it's endearing.

I bring this up only because the other day, I noticed that George recites rap lyrics while he goes to the bathroom.

What a stud.

Give Me Your Hungry, Your Poor, Your College Graduates Yearning To Make TV...

Don't give in to the images you see on TV about who lives in Hollywood. Sure, shows like Entourage and The Hills show pretty people, frolicking through stacks of Benjamins, clad in Prada and Gucci. What you DON'T see are the PA's, Assistants, and interns, working 75 hours a week just to make a buck, barely able to scrape together the monthly rent, most of us without health insurance.

But fear not! I've found the Secret to Successfully Living On $400 A Week In L.A.! Now, we all know that, when faced with spending cutbacks, most twenty-something balk at the very thought of slowing down the flow of booze. I mean, logically, we can't cut down on our bar spending. How do you think we make it through those work weeks? And clearly we can't cut down on shopping for new clothes. In this town, the clothes make the (wo)man. So what do we stop spending on?

Food.

That's right, our most basic survival staple. Ask any college-grad-turned-resident-of-LA and they will confirm. So in an effort to stop my friends from looking like our buddy Nicole Richie, I have compiled 3 great tips for eating on the cheap in the LA area. ENJOY!

1) Taco Tuesday at El Torito
They serve up $1 tacos from 6-8:30pm. And Tacos, as we all know, pretty much cover every food group - Protein, Dairy, Bread, Vegetables, and Sour Cream. That's basically a WHOLE MEAL for $4!

2) The 99 Cent Breakfast at Ikea
Sounds suspicious? It tastes that way too. But who cares? IT'S 99 CENTS! WOOT! Be sure to enjoy it in the comfort of one of their livingroom setups. Mmmmm, feels like home - only cheaper.

...and while you're there...

3) Pick Up a 2,867 Piece Swedish Tupperware Kit for $4.99
The great thing about L.A. is that, 99.8% of the time, they'll cut you some slack in the form of a free meal. A C-list, no-budget horror film may not have the money to make a bloody knife-weilding alien look realistic, but they'll throw down for a sizable feast for the crew. Bring along some tupperware! This kit comes with it all! You'll have enough food to last you a week!

Be Kind To Kelly!

OK, so she got a little chubby.

And fine, her new album is getting trashed by everyone from Perez to her producer.

But heed my cry, BE KIND TO KELLY CLARKSON!



Have we forgotten that this is the stunning starlette that brought us the movie blockbuster "From Justin To Kelly"? Do we fail to remember how we cried during "Because of You", or felt empowered by "Behind These Hazel Eyes"? Do we not appreciate the sense of freedom and independence we got from "Breakaway"? Why are we so quick to throw away all of the times we got drunk and sang "Since You Been Gone" at the top of our lungs on two-for-one night at Moonies?

We all go through rough times in our lives. In 7th grade, I wore purple colored bands on my braces and thought I was trendy. Here in Hollywood, I would have never lived that down.

So I ask, in the famous words of Miss Clarkson herself, have YOU ever been low? Yes, yes we all have. And Kelly, we forgive you.

Feels Like Home

I grew up loving East Coast Cities. New York, Boston, D.C., Philly, Baltimore... I loved them all. The culture, the architecture, the public transportation, and the parks tucked between statuesque skyscrapers and homey browstones gave each of these cities their own unique voice and personality. The trouble with L.A., for an East Coast City Lover, is that it's more like a 498 square mile suburb. But for all you transplants out there, I have found a way to make it feel like you're driving through _________ (insert east coast city here) whenever you begin to pine for your hometown:



Drive the 110.



My friend Will and I agree that the 110 is far superior to all other freeways. This is because if you drive it at just the right time of night and mentally block out all of the palm trees, you actually feel like you're driving in one of your favorite cities on the right coast - the kind of city where highway numbers aren't preceeded by "the" in conversation. The trick is to take the 110 North at night from the 10 East to the 5 North. First, you soar past the Staples Center. You begin to gradually chug uphill, under the 101, and emerge in a world full of brightly lit skyscrapers. The skyscrapers in THIS part of town are so high, you forget that earthquakes are a real threat! Ahhh, home. Soak in that feeling.



Insider's tip: This works even better if you have "Motown Philly" by Boyz II Men pumping with the windows down. Let's be serious, "Motown Philly" is the anthem of East Coast Kids everywhere. Sing it with me now: "Boyz to Men! A B C! Deed bee dee!"

How To Dress Like A Star For Cheap! Lesson #1

Ever wonder how to get that sexy, starlette style without spending a fortune? In this handy-dandy guide, I'll teach you to dress like the celebs for a fraction of the price, in just 3 easy steps!


Step #1: Take your old prom dress!

Step #2: Tie-dye it!

Step #3: Super Sexified for Minimal Moolah!

My Town Is Better Than Your Town

Broke and bored in LA? Here's a cheap thrill… go to the Playboy Mansion and talk to the Dude In The Rock. My roommate and I are big fans of "The Girls Next Door", which is a reality show detailing the lives of Hugh Heffner's 3 girlfriends. So we roll up to the Mansion like ballers in my Dodge Stratus, hop out, and stroll up to the pearly gates.

Tour bus goes by. "Hey, are you Hef's girlfriends?" the tourguide laughs into the loudspeaker.

Bitch, please.

Of course we are.

So then, we hear the voice of God. "Hey! Where are you girls from?"

Ohmigod! Where is that voice coming from?! There's no one around! I think... wait... is it coming out of that rock??? My fellow Ballers, that rock has a teeny-tiny camera and speaker in it! And it wants to know where we're from! All hail, the Dude In The Rock! Dude In The Rock, what's it like to work at the Playboy mansion? Oh, you want to know where we work, Dude In The Rock? Well, we work at NBC! We have some clout, Mr. Dude In The Rock! Don't you think we should get in to the Casablanca Party tonight?

Reflecting on this, I bet we looked pretty dumb talking to a rock.

A couple of weeks later, we went back. Just for entertainment purposes. D.I.T.R. made the swooshing noises from Friday the 13th, in the hopes of scaring us.

The best things in life truly ARE free.

And Let Me Just Say…

Germaphobes piss me off.

Hey, Germaphobe! I've planted my pooper firmly on every public toilet seat I've had the pleasure of bestowing my bottom on, and I've never contracted Epizutis of the Twahzwah or any other related disease.

Also, I hold onto the hand rails on an escalator.

BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA!

My Page Class Fills Quotas Better Than Your Page Class

I'm from Chittenango, NY. Never heard of it? Not entirely surprising. We have some farms there – 2 dairy farms, a turf farm, a sheep farm, and a wind farm (Alan Dietch, circa 2003: "Wait, so you… grow… wind…?"). When it came to diversity in the 'Nango, I was usually it. Being Half Jewish* and all, I really stood out.

*Half Jewish; aka "Cashew", "Pizza Bagel"

So anyways, when I was hired as a Page here at NBC, you can imagine my surprise upon meeting my Page Class. There was an Asian, a White Dude, a Persian Chick, a Black Girl, and a guy from Oregon.



Look at us, we are like a little Benetton Family! Or, perhaps, the Jolie-Pitt family! My page class is like a beautiful rainbow of smiling faces, that is so so beautiful.

Also, we are very drunk in this picture.

Thank you, L.A.!

ABC – Again, Broadcasting Crap

Who else watched the Grey's McSpinoff? And who else found themselves… pretty McBored? Taye Diggs, we applaud your saucy good looks and your hot chocolate charm, but your character is boring. Judging Amy? Yes, we are. Survey says: Lame. The only character that WASN'T completely lifeless was the acupuncture dude. Wasn't he in "Wings"? His kiss with Addison in the stairwell was hott, even though she was flapping her arms up and down like a cockatoo on a caffeine kick.

Thumbs down!

Hello Blogosphere!

Introducing…

ME! Hi! I'm Amanda and this is my blog! My brand new blog! Bloggity blog blog!

So, I graduated from Ithaca College a year ago. My whole life I planned on moving to New York City to work and live after graduation. Long story short, that didn't exactly work out. I packed two bags full of clothes and bought a one-way ticket to Los Angeles. Truth is, I was planning on staying for about a month. I figured I'd chill, soak up the sun, maybe do a little job hunting... but I always thought that NBC in New York would call me with a job offer. Well, those bitches didn't. But NBC in Burbank did! So here I still am.

This blog will address a lot of issues. Like, the celebrity lifestyle. And how to achieve the celebrity lifestyle when you're barely making enough to pay rent. It'll have my opinions on TV shows and music, because I have impeccable taste and you probably don't. Plus I have a boyfriend, and I've never had one of THOSE before, so I'll probably talk a lot about that (Sorry, George). My more personal entries will most likely deal with what to do when you unexpectedly end up 3000 miles away from your home and have to change all of your hopes and dreams to fit a life you never thought you wanted.

Here's a shovel, can you dig it?